Just some thoughts...

Long distance marriage. I love how some people's reactions are "good luck making it past the year mark." I always want to respond to that with "You don't know Jesus do you?"

Jesus. My savior. My rock. My redeemer. My MOST IMPORTANT tool in a long distance marriage. So many more wonderful things than I can list. I do however, have a general response to the question "long distance? And so young! How do you do it?" my answer is always the same. "Prayer. Lots and lots of prayer." It's amazing to me how much of a difference having a strong foundation in Christ makes. As I lie in bed tonight (alone, except for my little monster of a kitten, I can hear him knocking something over in my bathroom as I write this) I'm thinking of how much it truly makes a difference in our marriage to understand what happened on the cross. Jesus died for our sins! Mine, Anthony's, yours, everyone's! He died so that I don't have to bring baggage and a broken heart into my marriage! (I do because it's human nature to hold onto things, even painful things. It's the eternal struggle of the Devil telling you that you can't let it go.) However, Christ has such a beautiful plan for marriage and for life. His death for me on the cross allows me to freely love my husband and trust him in a way that would be impossible otherwise. A belief and foundation in God allows for the freest of hearts. With the vulnerability of an infant who has no reason to doubt and who has all the trust in world. Anthony is able to love me with a closeness that can only be understood by a man of God. I'm able to cherish his heart in a way that can only be God-given.

This isn't to say that non-Christians don't love each other. I fully believe that they do. However I KNOW that in a God centered marriage there is such a deeper understanding of what love IS, not just what it feels like.

So back to not only surviving, but thriving, in a long distance marriage. It's a realization that the distance is temporary, that the distance is for a reason, my education, and that in our time apart God is working in us separately and yet simultaneously preparing or hearts to be together soon. It's realizing what wonderful and supportive families we have, what wonderful friends God has placed in our lives. His plan is so beautiful! How can I be sad when I think about this? I can't! That's why the devil tries to distract me from God's beautiful truth with lies that ruin my mood. Of course I miss my sweet husband terribly. But I cannot wait to experience life with him and see what God has done in his heart for our marriage.

Lastly, a simple but very overlooked point about long distance marriage. Marriage is for LIFE. Nothing can separate us but death. I graduate in December, and it's a guarantee that the rest of my life with this man is worth the next 8 months. A fraction of our lives spent apart so that I can have a degree and get a job while Anthony goes to college. A fraction. A small sacrifice that is so so worth it. God gave us to each other forever, he just asked us to spend a few months apart at first. No problem boss. Your plan is best. And the best is yet to come.

I've recently become aware of two "dating" services. Except they aren't for "dating". The services openly state that they are for "hook-ups" only, one is even for affairs. AFFAIRS! There is a website out there openly helping people anonymously become a member and cheat on their spouse. What is this world coming to? The Devil has slowly but surely transformed us from a nation, and world, based on faith in God and conservative views into a nation supportive of "hook-ups", affairs, divorce, and casual sex. Isn't he sneaky?

ashleymadison.com. 

13,590,000 members.

Thirteen and a half million members ready to cheat.

The other one I can't remember the name of.
It's a commercial and starts with a guy, dressed nicely, proposing to a woman with flowers. Suddenly another man walks up and kicks him out of the camera shot and says something like "You're too hot to get married. Wanna hook up?" Basically the message is that marriage is for losers and only the cool people casually hook up. Who gets serious and commits? 

Both make me absolutely sick. The sanctity of marriage has become completely disrespected in our culture. 

"You shall not commit adultery."
Exodus 20:14

I bet if I asked both of the founders of those services what the 10 commandments were they would have no idea. The bible also states this about marriage:

"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous."

Hebrews 13:4

There are countless verses in the Bible that state God's view on marriage. The problem in our world is that people aren't reading their Bibles or they don't own one. The Devil uses the world and the "evolution" of our culture to tell us that we all need to "sew our wild oats" and "go crazy", especially during our young, college-age years. The world tells us that sure, we should get married, but only after we've had our time and are older, and ready to start a family. After all, these days it's completely acceptable if you are in a relationship to just move in together, sleep together, and not make a commitment. Or so the world tells us. God's opinion hasn't changed. Sex should be reserved for marriage. Marriage is a commitment and a union of two lives not to be taken lightly. 

I don't know why I was so surprised to hear of these services. The way our world has become it should be no shock that services like this exist. I think for me it's more of a sadness. My heart hurts for the founders and participants in these services. My prayer is that they would understand what they're missing out on. The participants of ashleymadison.com don't understand what a gift their marriages are and what they are sacrificing by searching for an affair. The participants of a hook-up website don't understand what they are missing out on by not holding out for marriage. Marriage is beyond worth waiting for. Being married so young I guess I'm not the best person to talk about waiting but I know what a christian marriage looks like. I know how wonderful it can be when God is the focus. Marriage is worth it!

My prayers are with all of you reading this. That you would understand how wonderful marriage is. How wonderful YOUR marriage can be. If you're struggling in your marriage don't give up! The Devil wants you to fail but God wants your marriage to thrive! Seek him and your marriage will benefit. If you aren't married yet, wait! Seek God's heart and hold out for what he has in store for you. It's so much better than an affair or a casual hook-up!

Love Languages

I can't stress enough how important it is to understand how your spouse interprets love. Not everyone wants to be shown love the same. It's human nature to love someone else the way you want to be loved but that may not be the way that they feel love best. There are five love languages.

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

• Words of Affirmation

  Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

• Quality Time

  In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

• Receiving Gifts

  Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• Acts of Service

  Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

• Physical Touch

  This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. 
  
  
  (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/)
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Once you learn your spouses love language you know how you could best show them love and they know how to best show you love. This can work wonders for the relationship, especially if you have different love languages, which most people do. 
  
  
  Here is the link to the quiz. It's fun to take together but don't help each other answer! Getting the most honest result will be the best for your relationship. 
  
  

  
  
  Love Language Quiz 
  
  

Respect and Intimacy

Respect and Intimacy. Two of the greatest needs of humankind and yet some of the most misunderstood words. It is so amazing to me how in control of this world the Devil is and how he uses current culture, media, and peer pressure to push us away from what the Lord wants us to do and be. God designed us to fit so perfectly with each other! It's mind-blowing when you truly grasp how God planned for us to fit together as man and wife.

A man's greatest fear is failure. 

His greatest need is respect. 

Isn't it obvious how these two things go together? This is where the misunderstanding of respect comes in. Respect in a marriage is so much more than agreeing with your husbands decisions. The world tells us that respect equals submission. That is not true at all. A Godly woman respecting her husband is a beautiful thing. Recently my brother got married, at the rehearsal his bride to be had her Aunt bring in a tub of water. At first we we all confused, but then she told him that she loved him and he was giving her his name and she wanted to thank him by showing him respect and washing his feet. I was brought to tears at the symbolism. The washing of feet is a biblical tradition showing respect. It was such a beautiful way for her to show respect to him right before their wedding. Respect is SO much more than "submitting" and agreeing. It goes beyond being a "follower" in the marriage. This world raises young women that are independent, career minded, and "don't need a man in their life". This is all wonderful but it can also be detrimental in a marriage. Women are taught to be emasculating to their men. This is one of the biggest signs of disrespect. Emasculation in a marriage can be fatal. An emasculated man cannot be a Godly husband. Modern women have to be very careful with this because the Devil makes emasculation so easy! Respect in a marriage does involve supporting your husband in his choices but it also involves being careful how you discuss things when you do disagree with him. It involves watching what "jokes" and "comments" you say, especially in front of others. Making a comment about a mistake he made or joking about a moment the two of you shared can be very hurtful to him. He may not say anything about it or even realize that it affects him but the Devil uses every opportunity he can to chip away at a marriage. Respect involves doing little things for him. I was able to go visit my husband in TN this past weekend and I got to wake up next to him, which was wonderful, but then I realized that I get to get up and be a servant to him! A lot of women think this is a "chore" or that it is submissive and not something they should do but it's not! It's beautiful! God calls us to be servants to each other in a marriage. Being able to get up and make my husband breakfast, fix him dinner, rub his shoulders after work, and yes, serve him sexually is such a blessing! Being a wife that faithfully serves her husband in a Godly way can work wonders in your marriage! And I completely understand that not everyone likes to cook or clean. But fixing him a bowl of cereal or just remembering to ask him if he wants a glass of water when you go to the kitchen is serving him! It doesn't have to be fancy or complicated. Respect is just so much more than simply not arguing.

  "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."

(Proverbs 12:4)

 A woman is either building her husband up, or tearing him down.

A woman's greatest fear is insecurity.
Her greatest need is intimacy.

Okay men, don't get too excited when I say "intimacy" because I don't mean sex. Intimacy is so much more than physical intimacy! Of course physical intimacy is a part of it but especially for women, emotional intimacy is essential! A woman needs to know that she is appreciated and treasured.This weekend when I was visiting my husband in TN I was sitting at the computer and he walked up behind me, wrapped his arms around me and said "I appreciate everything you do." I can't explain how much that touched my heart. Knowing that he noticed my expressions of my respect for him meant so much to me. Knowing that he was paying attention helped our intimacy grow. Intimacy means that a man wants to know his wife's heart. He wants to know her dreams, desires, and pains. Intimacy is being "plugged in" to your wife's life. It's noticing that she's respecting you and not taking that for granted. The world tells men that you are superior and therefore you deserve to be treated as such. Don't listen to that! You do deserve to be treated wonderfully but don't let it come from a place of expectation. Don't take your wife for granted. It's a joint effort and having a husband that understands that it means a lot to me when he tries to get close to my heart, not just my body, makes it easy to respect him. Intimacy is speaking kindly to your wife and it could mean simply asking her at the end of the day how her day was, and listening to what she wants to share with you. Tell her you want to know her heart and see how she responds. Ask if she has any dreams that she hasn't shared with you. Be emotionally intimate with her. Affirm her in the relationship. Tell her when she's doing a good job. Yes, we know you love us, but make it a point to say it, and look her in the eyes when you do. Speak to her heart.

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."

(Colossians 3:19)

Speak kindly to your wives, and build her up.

Your spouse is NOT number one

My thoughts on marriage tonight keep coming back to the struggle for who you number one priority should be. The world tells us it should be our spouse. That that person is the most important person in our lives. Again, the world is wrong. 

GOD should be number one in our lives. Yes, your spouse should be second after God, but God and only God should take first place.

There are so many times in life where I find myself feeling disappointed and unhappy in my marriage. Mostly little moments here and there where I just feel like something is not being fulfilled.

EVERY time that happens I find that my priorities are all wrong. 95% of the time Anthony disappointing me, isn't because he is failing, but because I am placing him in a spot in my heart where he cannot win. When I realize what is happening I have to remove myself from the situation for a moment and re-prioritize. I have to pray for God to fill my heart in a way that my husband cannot do.

God made our hearts to need him. We crave God without even knowing it. When we place our spouses in that spot disappointment is guaranteed to follow. 

Putting God first in your heart, soul, and life only enriches every aspect of your life. I have found that when I am loving God well, I love my husband well. Likewise when I am failing in my relationship with God, my relationship with my husband starts to feel strain.  Having God first in my life and relying on him first and foremost for my confidence, security, and balance allows me to love my husband in a Godly way and to love him better. I am able to give so much more of myself to my husband physically, mentally, and emotionally when I am in the right place with God. 

Women, God should be your rock. This doesn't mean that your husband can't be your rock also but don't expect your husband to be a fix-all. If you rely on your husband to completely fulfill you emotionally and spiritually you will be very disappointed. God wants to be our number one guy. He never fails us because he is not human, he's God. Rely on him first and you will be amazed at how much more pleased you are with your husband. Our husbands are great but they can't do the impossible. Don't set them up for failure. 

Men, God should be your go-to. This doesn't mean that your wife shouldn't give you support but don't expect your wife to make you feel like a success for a man. She will fail you, I promise. God however, will never fail you. Relying on God to give you peace of mind, security, confidence, and the faith that you did a good job, made the right choice, or led your family the right direction will give you so much more joy than expecting your wife to make you feel whole. Don't set your wife up for failure. It leads to resentment.

Our spouses are meant to be a complement to our relationships with God, not a replacement. In a marriage we should seek individual growth in our relationship with Him and growth as a couple. Being united under God is the most important aspect of making a marriage work. 

Parents. I am not a parent yet but I do understand something about being a christian parent. I was blessed to be raised with this concept. Children are a third priority. I know this is difficult sometimes. I can't even imagine how much I will love my children. I just know that I will always love my husband more. This sounds mean to some people but think about it. God intended for "man and wife to become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24, and multiple other places in the bible) but a "man will leave his father and mother" (Genesis 2:24, and multiple other places in the bible). God intends for our children to one day leave us. If you place you children above your spouse what will happen when that day comes? God intended for husbands and wives to be together FOREVER. Forever, a word that seems so lost to our current world. I was so blessed to be raised in a home where I had a father who was a Godly man and made it clear that we were his children and he loved us but that our mother was more importantly his wife. I am blessed to have watched both children move out of the home and my parents continue to grow more in love with each other as the years go on. Children are such a blessing but marriage is the greatest gift of all. Be careful not to let the kids come between the man and wife. Teach them how important marriage and unity are. They'll thank you one day.

Finding strength in God

I'm sitting here tonight honestly wondering how I got through the past 10 days. The last time I talked to my husband was February 5th yet time has flown. Spending the past ten days with Jesus has filled my soul in ways I cannot describe. Having a husband is a blessing and it is so wonderful but having Jesus is so much better! Jesus fills my heart in ways my husband cannot. When my husband is out in the field and at a training I can rely on my faith and lean on Jesus to make me feel whole. It doesn't mean there wasn't hard nights, it doesn't even mean that I was faithful in spending time with God everyday. 

I fail. 

I fail at having a quiet time. 

I get wrapped up in this world and "get busy".

I fail.

But Jesus doesn't.... it is the most wonderful news! When I am failing, he is right there to forgive me and wrap me in his arms and make me feel whole again. These past ten days have been some of the hardest of my life but have also been such a blessing. God has taught me so much. It has been such a blessing to not only understand that god should be first in my life but to experience it. I have not doubt that God knew the direction I was going. I was falling away from him. There was a failure to be faithful in my relationship with God. I know he sent Anthony on this training and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Of course the timing was perfect! God knew that I needed a wake up call, and praise Jesus he delivered and gave it to me. I miss my husband like crazy but having him taken away from me for 10 days has been a blessing. God showed me once again that if I rely on Anthony to fill my heart and to be my whole life I will fail and I will feel let down, disappointed, and disheartened. But when I lean on God first and foremost, my heart is full, my love for Anthony grows, and there isn't a disappointment in our marriage. 

When you lean on someone to do something that is impossible (i.e. be your God) you set them up for failure and yourself for disappointment. But when you lean on God first everything else falls into place. Priorities are a beautiful thing, and my husband is my second. Not my first, my second. Sometimes I need a reminder of that. Thank you Lord for the chance to spend 10 days with you and only you, and for showing me, once again, how wonderful you are.

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

 Matthew 6:33

Valentines Day

God’s Love and Ours: Straight from the Bible

 ^"7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

 ¹³ This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

   God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

 ¹⁹ We love because he first loved us. ²⁰ Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. ²¹ And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister" 

1 John 4: 7-21

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Let's face it. Our world is commercialized, materialistic, and fake. 

I have never really been a fan of valentines day. Mostly because it has always been some awkward, forced, fake day where men are coerced into spending way too much money and pressured beyond belief to come up with "the perfect day". Bear with me, I am not saying that if a man does something nice on February 14th that it is automatically fake. I just believe Valentines day is an overrated holiday. I'm not a cynic, just a true believer that God shows us love everyday, and we should do the same. The way we act and feel on "Valentines day" is the way we should act and feel everyday. 

God wants to be and should be our first love. 

He made us. One by one he designed us.

He loved us first, and continues to love us through out inequities.

He shows us how to love others. Unconditionally and constantly.

Valentines day is wonderful. I'm not saying it isn't. I'm just saying that instead of being some big pressurized, commercialized, materialistic day let it simply be a reminder of how much God truly loves us. When February 14th rolls around, skip Tiffany's (and save the money!), and truly revel in God's love for us and the love he allows us to feel for each other. Love is a gift. God loves us for free, and blesses us with the capacity to feel love for one another.

If you are single, don't hate valentines day. Soak up God's love for you and know how truly wonderful you are. A wonderful friend of mine had these thoughts on Valentines day last year as she welcomed a season of singleness...

"'I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.' Psalm 31:7. Jesus see's you. Your hurts, pains, and desires don't go unnoticed. Trust in His unfailing love to take you to the place he has planned for you. His plans are best!"

She is such a woman of God. 

Singleness can be a beautiful time when you truly appreciate the opportunity it offers.

Marriage can be truly phenomenal when we begin to understand what it is.

Keep Valentines day simple my friends. By all means, say I love you, be in a good mood, hug your loved ones, buy chocolate and flowers, but keep it simple. Don't let the world (and Satan) tell you that unless you have a dozen roses, a significant other, a diamond necklace, and an expensive, creative date that night, that February 14th is going to be awful for you. It doesn't have to be. My favorite way to think about it is this "What's February 14th? Well, in 2011 it's a Tuesday." It's just another day friends. Remember Jesus's love always and show love daily. Single, dating, engaged or married, Valentines day, and every day, is a beautiful opportunity to knows God's love.