Respect and Intimacy

Respect and Intimacy. Two of the greatest needs of humankind and yet some of the most misunderstood words. It is so amazing to me how in control of this world the Devil is and how he uses current culture, media, and peer pressure to push us away from what the Lord wants us to do and be. God designed us to fit so perfectly with each other! It's mind-blowing when you truly grasp how God planned for us to fit together as man and wife.

A man's greatest fear is failure. 

His greatest need is respect. 

Isn't it obvious how these two things go together? This is where the misunderstanding of respect comes in. Respect in a marriage is so much more than agreeing with your husbands decisions. The world tells us that respect equals submission. That is not true at all. A Godly woman respecting her husband is a beautiful thing. Recently my brother got married, at the rehearsal his bride to be had her Aunt bring in a tub of water. At first we we all confused, but then she told him that she loved him and he was giving her his name and she wanted to thank him by showing him respect and washing his feet. I was brought to tears at the symbolism. The washing of feet is a biblical tradition showing respect. It was such a beautiful way for her to show respect to him right before their wedding. Respect is SO much more than "submitting" and agreeing. It goes beyond being a "follower" in the marriage. This world raises young women that are independent, career minded, and "don't need a man in their life". This is all wonderful but it can also be detrimental in a marriage. Women are taught to be emasculating to their men. This is one of the biggest signs of disrespect. Emasculation in a marriage can be fatal. An emasculated man cannot be a Godly husband. Modern women have to be very careful with this because the Devil makes emasculation so easy! Respect in a marriage does involve supporting your husband in his choices but it also involves being careful how you discuss things when you do disagree with him. It involves watching what "jokes" and "comments" you say, especially in front of others. Making a comment about a mistake he made or joking about a moment the two of you shared can be very hurtful to him. He may not say anything about it or even realize that it affects him but the Devil uses every opportunity he can to chip away at a marriage. Respect involves doing little things for him. I was able to go visit my husband in TN this past weekend and I got to wake up next to him, which was wonderful, but then I realized that I get to get up and be a servant to him! A lot of women think this is a "chore" or that it is submissive and not something they should do but it's not! It's beautiful! God calls us to be servants to each other in a marriage. Being able to get up and make my husband breakfast, fix him dinner, rub his shoulders after work, and yes, serve him sexually is such a blessing! Being a wife that faithfully serves her husband in a Godly way can work wonders in your marriage! And I completely understand that not everyone likes to cook or clean. But fixing him a bowl of cereal or just remembering to ask him if he wants a glass of water when you go to the kitchen is serving him! It doesn't have to be fancy or complicated. Respect is just so much more than simply not arguing.

  "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."

(Proverbs 12:4)

 A woman is either building her husband up, or tearing him down.

A woman's greatest fear is insecurity.
Her greatest need is intimacy.

Okay men, don't get too excited when I say "intimacy" because I don't mean sex. Intimacy is so much more than physical intimacy! Of course physical intimacy is a part of it but especially for women, emotional intimacy is essential! A woman needs to know that she is appreciated and treasured.This weekend when I was visiting my husband in TN I was sitting at the computer and he walked up behind me, wrapped his arms around me and said "I appreciate everything you do." I can't explain how much that touched my heart. Knowing that he noticed my expressions of my respect for him meant so much to me. Knowing that he was paying attention helped our intimacy grow. Intimacy means that a man wants to know his wife's heart. He wants to know her dreams, desires, and pains. Intimacy is being "plugged in" to your wife's life. It's noticing that she's respecting you and not taking that for granted. The world tells men that you are superior and therefore you deserve to be treated as such. Don't listen to that! You do deserve to be treated wonderfully but don't let it come from a place of expectation. Don't take your wife for granted. It's a joint effort and having a husband that understands that it means a lot to me when he tries to get close to my heart, not just my body, makes it easy to respect him. Intimacy is speaking kindly to your wife and it could mean simply asking her at the end of the day how her day was, and listening to what she wants to share with you. Tell her you want to know her heart and see how she responds. Ask if she has any dreams that she hasn't shared with you. Be emotionally intimate with her. Affirm her in the relationship. Tell her when she's doing a good job. Yes, we know you love us, but make it a point to say it, and look her in the eyes when you do. Speak to her heart.

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."

(Colossians 3:19)

Speak kindly to your wives, and build her up.