Finding strength in God

I'm sitting here tonight honestly wondering how I got through the past 10 days. The last time I talked to my husband was February 5th yet time has flown. Spending the past ten days with Jesus has filled my soul in ways I cannot describe. Having a husband is a blessing and it is so wonderful but having Jesus is so much better! Jesus fills my heart in ways my husband cannot. When my husband is out in the field and at a training I can rely on my faith and lean on Jesus to make me feel whole. It doesn't mean there wasn't hard nights, it doesn't even mean that I was faithful in spending time with God everyday. 

I fail. 

I fail at having a quiet time. 

I get wrapped up in this world and "get busy".

I fail.

But Jesus doesn't.... it is the most wonderful news! When I am failing, he is right there to forgive me and wrap me in his arms and make me feel whole again. These past ten days have been some of the hardest of my life but have also been such a blessing. God has taught me so much. It has been such a blessing to not only understand that god should be first in my life but to experience it. I have not doubt that God knew the direction I was going. I was falling away from him. There was a failure to be faithful in my relationship with God. I know he sent Anthony on this training and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Of course the timing was perfect! God knew that I needed a wake up call, and praise Jesus he delivered and gave it to me. I miss my husband like crazy but having him taken away from me for 10 days has been a blessing. God showed me once again that if I rely on Anthony to fill my heart and to be my whole life I will fail and I will feel let down, disappointed, and disheartened. But when I lean on God first and foremost, my heart is full, my love for Anthony grows, and there isn't a disappointment in our marriage. 

When you lean on someone to do something that is impossible (i.e. be your God) you set them up for failure and yourself for disappointment. But when you lean on God first everything else falls into place. Priorities are a beautiful thing, and my husband is my second. Not my first, my second. Sometimes I need a reminder of that. Thank you Lord for the chance to spend 10 days with you and only you, and for showing me, once again, how wonderful you are.

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

 Matthew 6:33