The most beautiful gift

SEX.
Yep, that's right. Sex is a God-given gift.

 "Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field ...
Let us get up early to the vineyards ...
there will I give thee my loves."
Song of Songs 7:12

Let me please start by saying that as I write this blog, especially this post, I come from a place of sin, not perfection. I never will claim to be perfect. In fact, this post is especially hard for me to write on because it means facing some of that sin head on. Please know that I come from a place of experience, not judgement. I was not perfect before my marriage. I unfortunately did not come into my marriage as a virgin, I made that mistake, so I write this from a place of understanding. I have been there, I have come through it, I have prevailed and God is continually healing me from that sin. I have such a passion about sex before marriage now that I really understand what sex is. Let's start there.... 

What is sex? First we have to know that the worlds definition and God's definition differ extremely. They are polar opposites in fact. To the world, sex is something fun, something everyone should experience with, and something you should do early. I fell into this trap and it hurts my heart to know others have too. God's definition of sex is so very different. God's version of sex is shameless, beautiful, and perfectly designed.

Before I get too far into what sex means in a marriage, I want to address some of the worldly issues with sex.

Remember that deep seeded insecurity we talked about in women? God gave men the hormones and mindset to desire a woman almost constantly. God designed men to feed our security ladies. Who doesn't feel good when they know they are wanted. He instilled this desire to be saved for and used in marriage. The problem here comes when the world twists this beautiful God-given desire into a premature, perverted, disrespectful flaw. Satan does two things with a man's God-given desire.... 

1) He manipulates it so that it is difficult for a man to stay pure and respectful towards his wife. (Not that it isn't hard for girls too but we'll get to that later.) He convinces men they need to have sex to be a man. All their friends are doing right?

2) He manipulates women into thinking that a man is being disrespectful. (This can also happen, and does quite often-see number one.) He convinces women that our role is to serve. The bible says be submissive right? Wrong. The bible instructs women to be submissive to their husbands in allowing their husbands to be the spiritual leaders. This can only truly happen when a man is following God's heart and his wife can trust him.

Satan takes a man's God given desire (by the way, this desire was put there for a the man's wife one day) and makes it so that it so hard to stay pure (due to worldly influences brought about by Satan) that men succumb to their desires easily. Satan tells men that it's not cool to wait, that you aren't really a man if you don't have sex with more than one girl. Satan sets them up to fail. This is also where being accountable women comes in. 

Men need our help ladies. (Story of their lives. Sorry boys, its true, it's designed that way.) They need us to help them out all we can with not tempting them. They are designed to have sexual desires and to have them often! So keep that in mind when Satan gives you a desire to "look sexy". Be careful with that. It's natural to feel good about being noticed but this is exactly what Satan does, he give you the desire to look sexy and then, when a man looks at your cleavage later on, Satan let's it jab your heart a little. He uses man's sexual desire to bring women down. This doesn't mean you have to go out looking like you just rolled out of bed. Its just means be modest. Really think about if you are using a man's weakness to fuel your insecurity. Satan is good at getting us to use each others weaknesses against each other.

Satan attacks our beautiful God-given desires and twists them into temporarily pleasurable, eventually hurtful actions.

I have to admit that my favorite part of this video is when he brings up the story of the adulterous woman. God's love is so great! It is never too late, no one can ever be "too far" for God to reach. I thought I was. It took me 10 months to even accept that a deserved the sweet man that was pursing my heart. I am so thankful that God gave him a patient heart for me! I figured that since I wasn't a virgin and I had already messed up that it was too late. Oh how I was wrong! Thank God (literally) that I was wrong. Through prayer and seeking God's heart I was healed (and am still healing) of those sins. God blessed with with a feeling of purity on my wedding night that I never though I would feel again. It's never too late for anyone. The blessing of marriage is for everyone and there is such a thing as a born again virgin!

Now onto what sex really means in Marriage. This is the good stuff! This is why I wish everyday that I would have waited for sex until marriage. It is such a gift! 

God wants us to be united against Satan and against this world. This is why he instructs that "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) God wants us to be united and connected as one! This is why he gives us the gift of sex. God intends for sex to be beautiful and not only for reproduction but for our pleasure! See Proverbs 5:15-19:

 ^"15 Drink water from your own well—
      share your love only with your wife.^[a]
 16 Why spill the water of your springs in the streets,
      having sex with just anyone?^[b]
 17 You should reserve it for yourselves.
      Never share it with strangers.

 ¹⁸ Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.
      Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
 ¹⁹ She is a loving deer, a graceful doe.
      Let her breasts satisfy you always.
      May you always be captivated by her love." 

God wants us to enjoy sex, and enjoy it with only one person. The entire book of Song of Songs is full of love poetry between a husband and wife.

Sex in a marriage is more than just intercourse. It's more than foreplay, it's more than touching. Those are all wonderful things but most importantly, it's a connection between two people that, for that moment, makes them one. That is what Christian couples crave. That is the gift. Don't get me wrong, of course I look at my husband and find him attractive. That is a HUGE part of it. But the even bigger part for us is that we crave the connection with each other. Sex is the most beautiful gift God gives to us, other than each other. When I hear that couples don't have sex or that a wife (sometimes husband but usually wife) doesn't feel the desire for sex I know that they don't truly understand what they're doing. Not to say that their sex isn't good, I'm just saying they don't truly grasp the capacity of the gift God has given them. I'm not saying either that Christian couples have sex every night. I'm just saying that when it becomes clear what sex really is, it's easy to look at your spouse and say "You are my gift and I want to know you in that way because sex a beautiful, God-given, blessing."